Hobbit Kink-Meme Conglomeration
by King Simin the Warrior
Summary: A (Hopefully) long story that makes use of several prompts on the HKM. Bilbo is Tsí-Cineál (Fae), a Prince, a Lord and has some magic. His soul mate is Thorin. This will contain MPREG, Motherly!Bilbo, Flirt!Bilbo and LightBender!Hobbits. The Hobbits have a language and an underground City that is environmentally friendly, powered by the Hobbit's ability to bend light. WIP
1. Chapter 1

**The Hobbit language is based on Irish, I used Google Translate for my translations. All names and sentences written in** _Italics_** are in the Green Tongue.**

_**Prologue **_

It had been a good many centuries since a member of the Royal Family Took had Presented, that is to say been born with Fae – commonly known as Fairies – features. It was a closely guarded secret that the rumours of fairy blood in the Royal Family were actually true. Not that Hobbits were untrustworthy, but tongues will wag and Big-Folk were often greedy and dangerous.

On this day the 22nd of September 1290 S.R. Prince _Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála_ was born. There was awed silence as _Thain_ _Gerontius_ held his minutes-old grandson and murmured "_Tsí-Cineál_, Fae-Kind." _Gerontius_ examined his grandson revealing split pupils and downward curving ears – not the upwards curving of Hobbit ears – the babe also had small nubs on his shoulder blades and tiny pointed tips on his incisors that were already poking out of his gums.

_Gerontius_ placed the now wrapped babe in his daughter Belladonna's waiting arms. "_Fáilte a chur roimh Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála chuig an Ghlac Teaghlaigh_," she whispered pressing a kiss to the babe's forehead.

Belladonna passed _Uilliam_ to her husband Bungo who also whispered, "_Fáilte a chur roimh Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála chuig an An Mála Teaghlaigh_," and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

**FIVE YEARS LATER**

"_Uilliam_," Mama called from the back door.

Young William Baggins called back, "_Tá mé ag teacht Mhamaí_!" before saying good-bye to his small animal friends. Old Badger had new grand-kits and William thought they were adorable, he loved to cuddle them and tell them stories. William also liked to play with the older kits, they liked playing hide and seek. William was so excited about the new kits that he just had to tell Mama, because Mama loves baby animals almost as much as William, he ran up to his Mama yelling, "_Mhamaí! Mhamaí! Sean Broc tá chlann clainne!_"

His Mama laughed, "_Iontach!_" and hugged William, "_Anois, tá mé duine éigin ba mhaith liom tú chun freastal ar, tá sé ina chara d'aois._"

"_Ó do chuid eachtraí?_" William asked excited. "_É aige col ceathrar bás a fháil ar ard?_"

"_Uimh Uilliam ar sé ina Draoi. Is é ina ainm _Gandalf." Belladonna smiled guiding the excited child indoors.

"_A Draoi!_" William exclaimed.

That evening after William had been put to bed, Gandalf lit his pipe and said, "Young William is Fae-Kind, is he not?"

Belladonna breathed in sharply, "No one must know Gandalf. Swear you won't tell _anyone!_"

"I promise my dear Belladonna. I will protect and guide him, for the rest of his days."

"Good, now tell me, how fares Elrond?" Belladonna asked taking a sip of tea.

**SEVEN YEARS LATER**

William, who was now commonly called Bilbo by his friends, was twelve when the small nubs on his shoulder blades began to swell painfully. After six months Bilbo had a set of fully functional wings sprouting from his back. They were akin to butterfly wings in that they had two distinct parts to each wing and were translucent. They were a subtle mix of blue and green with golden edging. Though functional his wings were still small enough to fold down and hide under his clothes, but when Bilbo's emotions were heightened he was unable to keep them folded.

**FOUR YEARS LATER**

Prince Bilbo was sitting at his writing desk, he was learning about the duties of Lord Baggins, a title he would inherent when his father died. "_Uilliam_," A soft but masculine voice called from behind him.

Bilbo whipped round and bared his fangs at the unknown voice at his back, "_Cé thusa? Conas a fuair tú a fháil i anseo?_" Bilbo asked for he distinctly remembered locking his door. The being behind him smiled softly, Bilbo lost all fear and anger when he saw the sun shining through the beings blue and green wings, "_Tsí!_" he whispered amazed.

"_Is ea Uilliam, Tá mé an Tsí-Sinsear. Is féidir leat glaoch orm Seanmháthair Fedlimid._" The Fae for that was what he was, smiled again. "_Tá mé anseo chun múineadh tú de stair do agus oidhreacht. Beidh mé ag múineadh tú freisin chun tú féin a chosaint ar na bealaí traidisiúnta ár ndaoine._"

That was the first but by no means last visit from the _Tsí-Sinsear_. Bilbo learned many things under his tutelage and was better for it.


	2. Chapter 2

**From the Prologue**

The Green Tongue (IRISH):

_Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála_ (William Took-Baggins)

_Thain Gerontius_ (King Aaren)

_Tsí-Cineál_ (Fae-Kind)

_Fáilte a chur roimh Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála chuig an Ghlac Teaghlaigh._ (Welcome William Took-Baggins to the Family Took.)

_Fáilte a chur roimh Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála chuig an An Mála Teaghlaigh_. (Welcome William Took-Baggins to the Family Baggins,)

_Tá mé ag teacht Mhamaí!_ (I am coming, Mama!)

_Mhamaí! Mhamaí! Sean Broc tá chlann clainne!_ (Mama! Mama! Old Badger has grandchildren!)

_Iontach!_ (Wonderful!)

_Anois, tá mé duine éigin ba mhaith liom tú chun freastal ar, tá sé ina chara d'aois._ (Now, I have someone I want you to meet, he's a old friend.)

_Ó do chuid eachtraí?_ (From your adventures?)

_É aige col ceathrar bás a fháil ar ard?_ (Is he a tall immortal cousin?[an Elf])

_Uimh Uilliam ar sé ina Draoi. Is é ina ainm Gandalf._ (No William he is a Wizard. His name is Gandalf.)

_A Draoi!_ (A Wizard!)

_Cé thusa? Conas a fuair tú a fháil i anseo?_ (Who are you? Who did you get in here?)

_Tsí!_ (Fairy!)

_Is ea Uilliam, Tá mé an Tsí-Sinsear. Is féidir leat glaoch orm Seanmháthair Fedlimid._ (Yes William, I am the Fairy-Ancestor. You can call me Grandmother Fedlimid.)

_Tá mé anseo chun múineadh tú de stair do agus oidhreacht. Beidh mé ag múineadh tú freisin chun tú féin a chosaint ar na bealaí traidisiúnta ár ndaoine._ (I'm here to teach you your history and heritage. I will also teach you to defend yourself in the traditional ways of our people.)

_Tsí-Sinsear_ (Fairy-Ancestor)

**_Chapter 1_**

**THIRTY-FOUR YEARS LATER**

Bilbo Baggins was sitting on the wooden bench outside his smial, he was relaxing in the morning sun, before he would be required to attend Council in the underground city of, _Cheilt Ar Shiúl_. Quite suddenly and with no footsteps to foreworn, a large shadow fell over Bilbo. He opened his eyes and smiled, "_Dea-maidin_, Gandalf," he said jovially as he caught sight of the Grey wizard.

"_Dea-maidin,_ Bilbo." Gandalf replied.

"What can I do for you this fine morn?"

"Well, dear boy, I'm in search of someone to share in an adventure."

"An adventure you say? What sort of adventure?" Bilbo asked, leaning forward his curiosity was peaked. Bilbo had always wanted to go on an adventure, but his mother was worried about him being kidnapped by Big-Folk and used for his Fae-Magic.

Gandalf laughed, "It seems I've come to the right place, your taste for adventure hasn't waned I take it?"

"Shh, it's a secret!" Bilbo joked, "Would you care to join me for elevenses? Perhaps you can tell me more of this adventure?"

"That would be lovely, Bilbo," Gandalf had to stoop to enter the smial but once inside he could stand easily, it was a Royal smial after all.

After preparing tea and scones for elevenses, Bilbo and Gandalf started to discuss the adventure. "… and so we require someone light of foot, quick of mind and swift of blade."

"Hmm," Bilbo hummed trying to come up with a hobbit who fit all the criteria, apart from himself of course, "A pity I am unable to join you, but I'm sure one of the strapping young Brandybucks would be adept."

"My dear boy, why can you not join us? You are the one I had in mind after all," Gandalf said around his pipe.

Bilbo sighed, "I have responsibilities as 9th In Line and Lord Baggins you know this Gandalf."

"Can you not appoint a Caretaker, in your stead for the Lordship?"  
"Well yes I suppose, bu-"

Gandalf held up a hand, "And can you not get the _Thain's_ permission to go on a political mission?"

"_Yes_, bu-"

"Then all is well and expect us tonight," Gandalf replied as he left the smial.

It took a few minutes for the news to sink in but suddenly Bilbo smiled, "I'm going on an adventure!" Then he got a look at the clock on the mantle, "_Gnéis!_" It was passed mid-day, he was late for Council. "_Rádala!_" he called as he stuck his head out of the front door and a young female hobbit with dark curls and a bow and quiver strapped to her back popped up out of seemingly no-where, "_Eolas a thabhairt don Thain go mbeidh mé leithscéal a ghabháil as a bheith déanach agus iarraidh ar lucht féachana pribhéad. Buíochas a ghabháil leat._"

After Council the _Thain_ asked Bilbo to remain behind, "Your request for an audience has been accepted, _Col Ceathrar-Deartháir Uilliam_. Come and join me for a cup of tea."

"I thank you, _Col Ceathrar-Deartháir Fortinbras_." Bilbo took a seat at the _Thain's_ table, "I had a visit from Gandalf, this morning."

"That was why you were late." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, Gandalf requested my aid on behalf of Thorin II Oakenshield, rightful King Under the Mountain." Bilbo explained.

The _Thain_ sighed, "Their going to retake Erebor aren't they?"

"How did you know?" Bilbo asked slightly bewildered.

"I heard tell a week or so ago of a group of Darrows meeting in Ered Luin. Called together by Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror. It was the next logical step." The _Thain_ replied, with an elegant shrug.

"I see," Said Bilbo, "the Darrows are arriving tonight, I wish to accompany them. Uncle Longo and Holman can become _Airíoch_, Caretaker. All I need is your permission to take temporary leave of my duties as 9th in Line. Will you give it?" Bilbo was nervous, if the _Thain_ said no then Gandalf would probably just kidnap him, not that Bilbo would be complaining, but still, best not to cause an international incident.

The _Thain_ was silent for a good many minutes, then lifted his head, "My preliminary answer is yes, Bilbo. But I would meet with King Thorin and Company before giving a definite answer. Prepare the Meeting Hall of Bag-End for my arrival. I will be there in two hours and I'll bring the Royal Cooks."

Bilbo smiled, "Thank you _Thain Fortinbras_!" he called as he rushed from the meeting chamber.

Two hours later saw Bilbo welcoming his Uncle Longo, Aunt Camellia and _Col Ceathrar-Deartháir,_ Brother-Cousin, Otho into his smial, he showed them to the meeting hall, deep within Bag-End where Hobson 'Roper' Gamgee was waiting. Once his guests were seated, Bilbo headed to the kitchen to check on the cooks the _Thain_ had sent. As they were coping well, Bilbo left them to it. He entered the Receiving Hall just as the Thain and his son Ferumbras III arrived by carriage. "_Thain Fortinbras, Flaith Ferumbras fáilte roimh,_" Bilbo said with a bow from the waist, baring his neck, as was proper.

"_Dea-Tráthnóna, Flaith Uilliam._" The _Thain_ replied. Bilbo showed them to the Meeting Hall as well, everyone stood until the _Thain_ and his heir had settled themselves.

Not three minutes later the front bell rang. Bilbo hurried to the Receiving Hall and checked his appearance in a mirror. He stood tall with his glamor on, showing only his Hobbit features and hiding his Fae ones, it was one of the many things Grandmother Fedlimid had taught him. Bilbo was draped in a forest green robe, the colour of the Took family with a yellow waistcoat – the colour of the Baggins family – over a very pale green silk shirt and brown leather trousers that stopped at mid-calf. The delicately carved wooden crown sat perfectly of his coppery curls and the thick carved wooden _Muineál-Choróin_ (meaning literally Neck-Crown) sat straight on his throat, showing his status as Lord Baggins. Bilbo opened the door and found himself facing a fierce-looking Darrow warrior. "Dwalin, at your service," The Darrow said bowing at the shoulders, keeping his eyes on Bilbo, a completely acceptable dwarven bow to an acquaintance, but highly disrespectful to a Hobbit Prince and Lord.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Dwalin, I am _Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála_," Bilbo noticed the slight confusion on the warrior's face, "My name in Common is William Baggins, but I prefer Bilbo."

"Ah!" Dwalin nodded.

"Well, come in, come in, you are the first to arrive. Are we still expecting thirteen Darrows?" Bilbo asked as he showed Dwalin where to place his cloak.

"Yes, they will arrive soon," Dwalin answered.

"Very good," Bilbo smiled, "If you would leave your larger weapons and boots by the door in an orderly fashion I would be appreciative. Dinner will be served when all have arrived and been properly greeted."

Dwalin grunted doing as Bilbo asked. Bilbo thought the complacency was from shock at the non-timidness of the first Hobbit he'd met, rather than of respect for Bilbo's wishes. "You will wait here in the Receiving Hall until your kin and Gandalf arrive. Then I shall introduce you to the Thain, he will make the final decision on whether or not I will accompany you on your quest."

Dwalin grunted again, though this one had a different tone and feel to it, Bilbo was coming to realise that Dwalin was a Darrow of very few words. Hopefully I time he could become fluent in Dwalin-Grunt. "If you wish to refresh yourself after your journey the washroom is directly across from you." Dwalin nodded, making no move to leave. "If you'll excuse me I must await the other guests outside. _Rádala!_" Bilbo called and the same Hobbit lass from that morning stepped out of the kitchen, "Inform _Thain Fortinbras_ that the guests of honour have begun to arrive," Bilbo ordered.

"Yes Prince William," the Runner replied.

Bilbo had his back to Dwalin so he missed the surprise at the title. Bilbo stepped outside and left the door open, he didn't have to wait long before the next Darrow arrived. He was short for a dwarf, shorter than Bilbo, though Bilbo was tall for a Hobbit. He had white hair and a large snowy beard. Bilbo thought he could see a resemblance to Dwalin around the eyes and nose.

"Balin at your service," the dwarf said bowing in much the same way as Dwalin did.

"A pleasure to meet you Balin, I am _Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála_, commonly known as Bilbo Baggins," Bilbo would not reply to the bow in kind as it was completely inappropriate to bow to someone who did not know the correct way to bow to someone of his station. "You are second to arrive Dwalin is already inside and knows his way around the appropriate areas."

"Thank you Laddie, though I have a question before I enter," Balin replied.

"You may ask, Balin."

"What is your station? You wear a crown, which in my culture means Royalty."

Bilbo smiled, "You are correct in your assumptions Balin, I have two titles: Prince _Uilliam_ 9th In Line and Lord Baggins of Hobbiton and Surrounds." Bilbo said inclining his head.

"Then I must apologise for my lack-lustre bow My Lord, we were lead to believe that you were a simple, if respectable, Hobbit."

"I understand Balin and do not hold misinformation against you. Please join your brother inside where it is warm," Bilbo replied and smiled when Balin bowed from the waist before entering.

As he waited for the next Darrow, Bilbo could hear a conversation between Balin and Dwalin. Though it was in the Dwarven tongue, he could make out the tone of their words, surprise mostly, Bilbo thought, perhaps some anger too. Not a minute later Bilbo saw two Darrows approaching, from what he could see they were young, the Dwarven equivalent of tweens. Soon they arrived, one was slightly shorter than the other but quite obviously older, though not by much, the younger was night to the elder's day, "Fili and Kili at your service," They said bowing from the waist together, Bilbo replied in kind.

"A pleasure to meet you Fili," He said to the older, "and Kili," he said to the younger, "I am _Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála_, most commonly known as Bilbo Baggins. In you go lads, the others are yet to arrive, but Dwalin knows his way around."

"Yes Mister Boggins," the younger, Kili, said as they entered the smial. Bilbo winced at the butchering of his name.

The next few minutes were filled with Darrows filing into his smial. At the end of the procession was Gandalf. As soon as he saw the full regalia Bilbo was sporting he fell into an appropriate bow with practiced ease, "_Beannachtaí, Flaith Uilliam Ghlac-An Mála Naoú Chun Gné Dhílis, Tiarna An Mála._"

Bilbo replied in kind with his bow, "_Beannachtaí, Draoi Gandalf an Liath._"

"Thorin appears to be late, perhaps someone should be sent to guide him?" Gandalf suggested, after divesting himself of his boots and staff.

"We'll do it!" Fili and Kili said in unison heading for their muddy boots.

"No!" Bilbo called loudly to be heard over the din, "That is highly inappropriate. _Reathaithe!_" Bilbo called as the Darrows and Wizard went quiet.

Six fit young Hobbits entered the Receiving Hall from the kitchen, they lined up in front of Bilbo and bowed from the waist in unison. "Prince William, how may we be of service?" the most senior _Rádala_ asked.

"One of the Darrows, King Thorin, son of Thrain son of Thror, is late and perhaps lost. Spilt up and travel the roads out of Hobbition, find him and guide him here."

"Yes, Prince William," the Runners, for that is what _Reathaithe_ means in the Green Tongue, the ancient Hobbit language, said once again in unison.

"You really are a Prince?" one of the Darrows asked, he had a floppy felt hat on his head, Bilbo thought his name was Bifur – no Bifur was the one with the axe in his head, this must be Bofur, "I thought Dwalin was pulling my leg." Then he swept into a deep bow closely followed by the other Darrows, Bilbo now responded in kind.

"Bilbo is a Prince and a Hobbit Lord, besides." Gandalf said standing next to Bilbo.

"Prince William," A matronly Hobbit, interrupted before Gandalf could say more, she stepped into the room. "The food is prepared. Shall we serve it now?"

"Not yet Madam Cotton, we are yet one Darrow short, perhaps another fifteen minutes?"

"It will keep, My Prince," Madam Cotton replied before leaving the Hall.

**SOMEWHERE IN HOBBITION**

Thorin Oakenshield had never really had much of an interest in love, even as a young and virile Prince, he only had a few brief dalliances, nothing more, even though he could have had any male in the whole kingdom. Or female for that matter, but women had never really held his interest. After the coming of Smaug, Thorin lost all interest in carnal desires and focused totally on the protecting of his people. But that all changed when he met the 14th member of his Company.

As Thorin wandered through Hobbition, completely lost but too proud to ask for directions, he pondered Gandalf's wisdom in choosing a Halfling of all creatures, to steal form a Dragon. Every one of the Halflings he'd seen so far was soft in the middle and content to stay inside their little hills, not one among them appeared to be a fighter. Just as Thorin had given up all hope of ever finding his destination a young male Halfling ran up to him and bowed, "My Lord Darrow, are you traveling to Bag-End?" when the Halfling bowed Thorin could see a long, thin, two-handed sword strapped to his back.

"I am," Thorin answered, this Halfling carried himself as a warrior would, perhaps he was the Halfling Gandalf had chosen?

When Thorin suggested this, the Halfling laughed, "I am no _Tiarna_ nor _Flaith_ as my Master Baggins is. I am Adalbert Bolger, at your service My Lord." Thorin only nodded in reply. "I am to guide you to Bag-End," the lad said removing a small horn from his belt and blew it thrice, "The others sent to search for you will join us as we walk."

The young man started walking ahead of Thorin. Within five minutes Thorin had gathered a guard of six Halflings to escort him. It was quite a sight for Thorin stood head and shoulders above the Halflings.

When they arrived at Bag-End, there was another male Halfling standing on the doorstep. He seemed to either be someone of importance or flamboyant, what with wearing a crown and a thick wooden necklace. Aside from this he appeared to be no different to any of the other little Halflings, though he was quite tall, for a Halfling. Thorin looked into the man's blue-green eyes and was immediately mesmerised. Something pulled in his heart, the Halfling, William, _Prince_ William, as Adalbert called him, transformed before Thorin's very eyes. Gone was the soft-looking man and in his place was a creature of beauty. William's feet had shrunk to a more rational size for his body (they remained hairy and thick-soled), his shoulders appeared broader, if only slightly and his softness had transformed into lean, solid muscle, only a small pudgy stomach remained, though it didn't take away from William's attractiveness, in fact it added a homely factor to his beauty.

When Thorin looked again the soft little Halfling had returned.

**AT BAG-END**

Bilbo's prediction was right fifteen minutes later the last Darrow, led by six of Bilbo's ten _Reathaithe_, arrived. "My Prince," the oldest and most senior Runner, Adalbert, bowed, "May I present Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain." Bilbo bowed low from the waist keeping eye contact. Something sparked inside Bilbo's gut as he looked into the Dwarven King's blue eyes, there was a tug on his heart, Bilbo wanted to fall into the Kings arms and kiss him senseless. "King Thorin, may I present Prince William Took-Baggins 9th In Line, Lord Baggins of Hobbition and Surrounds." King Thorin also bowed keeping eye contact, but not nearly as low as Bilbo, as was appropriate.

"_F-fáilte, Cara_. Welcome, Friend," Bilbo said stuttering only slightly over the traditional greeting for foreign dignitaries.

Bilbo bayed King Thorin to enter and followed behind. He shut the door to keep out the cold, Bilbo waited a moment while King Thorin greeted his kin, then called, "_Reathaithe!_" startling Thorin slightly though only an Elf, Hobbit or Fae would see it. The six _Reathaithe_ who guided Thorin to Bag End again lined up in front of Bilbo. "One of you inform the _Thain_ that the Darrows are all here, the rest of you gather the other _Reathaithe_ and help the kitchen-hands serve Dinner." Bilbo spoke his orders in Common to be sure the Darrows were comfortable. "King Thorin," Bilbo called getting the King's attention, "I humbly request that you leave your boots and larger weapons with the others," Bilbo indicated to the neat pile of Dwarvish boots and weapons. "If you would all follow me, please?" Bilbo called, he made no move to enforce the no boots and weapons rule on King Thorin, but saw out of the corner of his eye the King complying anyway. Bilbo could feel the curiosity _pouring_ of the Dwarven King.


End file.
